Friday, February 19, 2010

when i was a young buck

I never knew the paths of life. I never knew the trails of everyday decisions. How hard things could peak. I would have never expected it to be so hard to pick out an outfit in the morning or to learn something that's out of my daily routine. What a car problem feels like and when wrong directions arise how much it fucks up your good day. How much it costed to feed myself and be a presentable individual. How insecure you can feel solo in a room full of different sized humans in with a rattily tat tating air conditioner.

I wish I knew what I know now when I was younger, I was always told this "wait until the day you realize."

I didn't realize when I actually realized. I can't quite peg the day like life started getting less fun and more do do do go go go. I day dream about being able to perfectly recall those days of my yesteryears. That will not happen though. Not until the end of my years. When I have all the time in the world to sit there alone and think about it. Now I just have time to sit for days and absorb sounds and emotions. Sometimes all sound and no emotions.

Sometimes my emotions run over like a fountain. I fountain that arose in my 20 years living, that I never had in my life's garden as a child. I was always nurtured to the best abilities of those protecting me from what I now know as the hollow. The trails and paths are all behind me and beside me. Now I go into the unknown, a hollow of some sort. A dark tree shaded road with strange creatures and noises I've never experienced. Atleast I have my bicycle to easy the journey of my tired bones and I have the company of good friends to take my eyes of the everlong journey that I forgot I was on.