Monday, January 28, 2008

you've got some nerve, i never knew

This morning I woke up slightly sick and irritated. It may have something to do with the fact that I woke up at 2:30am and couldn't get back to sleep. So I talked on aim until 4:30. Thank goodness for the ridiculous time difference in Cali that's in my favor. I made an extra large thermos of coffee this morning.

Although this day didn't seem like it was going to deliver at first, it ended up being quite nice. I got to witness the best fight I've ever seen in my life this afternoon. I was walking to sit with Ryan and Emily at lunch and two girls fell in front of me. I just heard this girl wearing a jersey say something along the lines of "bitch, I'll rip everyone of those pink fingernails off your fingers. And enjoy doing it!" which is a little creepy. And then she pulled her onto the floor by her hair and that's how they ended up in front of me. I just stood and watched. But, wouldn't you have done the same?

Later in the day on my way back to public relations I saw the blonde girl who "got her ass handed to her" and nicely damaged if I do say so myself. I stopped and talked to her, because I noticed she wasent 'trashy' persay. She was actually a cheerleader. So we started talking and apparently she blacked out for s good portion of the fight and is suspended for a week. Fuck her life. I thought it was semi ironic that I saw her anyways. Lol

Then in government, i was talking to my teacher trying to get her to stall (I do this often, but it doesn't work obv) and so it finally works.. I somehow manage to get her to start talking about her marberry vs. Madison dolls and they actually are ken dolls dressed in 18th century clothing with all kinds of random missing body parts. So I convince her to have story time. I love that I can get an entire senior class to have story time with dolls. Yes, we were the only class. And yes, I blame myself.

Tonight, I made homemade pizza with Jill and watched Donnie darko. I need to go buy a life or something..

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Happy Birthday Alex Kantarelis!

I'm currently on my way back from Louisville with Paulina, full of tacos and sitting fully reclined with my feet on the dashboard listening to new lifetime.

This survey was one that I posted this morning, but it was saved as a draft so its here to stay on the update.

1. How old will you be in 8 months? 19

2. Do you think you'll be married by then? Oh god, noo

3. Was yesterday better than today? I just woke up, so this question doesn't apply to me. But I did go to a pretty sweet birthday get together in avon. Tonight will be better though, if you want an answer.

4. What does your last text message say? "oh my god. That's seriously the worst dream ever."

5. Who was the last person to text you? Paulina, who else would talk to me at 10:45 in the am?

6. Do you prefer to call or text? Paulina, Kyle, Marcie, Jill, or any other close friends totally call. Anyone else, texting is good.

7. What month is your birthday in? End of August. Woo virgos!

8. Can you live a day without tv? I do all the time, my phone is a whole different story.

9. when was the last time you saw your mom? Lastnight around 6:30.
10. When is the last time you saw your dad? Thanksgiving weekend.

11. How many pets do you have? Mocha, the lard of a dog. And rilo the beta fish on my nightstand

12. How many houses have you lived in? 8.

13. How many city/towns have you lived in? 6

14. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet? Sock this season

15. Are you a social person? Actually, yes.

16. What is your favorite food? Fruits of all sorts, preferable strawberries and bananas.

17. What is your favorite color? Dark purple, and maroon

18. What are you doing for your next birthday? Probably going to Chicago. Or having an 'open house' type of party with hors o'dourves and the pool heated up.

19. What is your favorite TV show? The office, scrubs, its always sunny in Philadelphia

20. What grade did you make in Algebra? I don't remember, its been like 3 years. Probably a C or something. Math is my worst subject.

21. Do you like coffee? Absolutely!

22. Do you like ice tea? Hell yes.

23. What are you listening to? Get up kids- woodson

24. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed? all over it, just ask Marcie or Paulina. Lololol

25. Do you know how to play poker? Hahaha, yep! Last time I played I pocketed $40

27. What are you thinking about right now? I should probably be getting ready, but I'm going to keep laying in bed.

28. Any plans for next weekend? Going car shopping with my dad. Getting that vw beetle! Wooo

29. Do you like hanging out with your friends? What kind of question is this? They're my friends for a reason. So to answer this.. yes, I do.

30. Do you smile often? Oh my gosh, yess.

31. When was the last time you cried? In panera bread lastnight. Suprisingly, this was the first time I've ever cried in public.

32. Have you ever had a life-threatening injury? Yeah, I almost died when I was born because the nurses injected me with some drug and I stopped breathing. And last year I fell at my moms wedding dinner and broke my elbow, and had to sit in the ER and missed shipwreck. Lolol

35. Do you like flying or driving? Flying mostly, but driving with paulz

36. Do you know how to drive a stick shift? Yes actually, My second car was a mazda protege 5 speed. Then I sold it to my friend Ben. It smelled like a girl when he bought it.

37. What is your favorite thing to spend money on? Shows, food, starbucks, music. I don't really pay for anything else

38. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
My dresser is totally full of jewelry, yes def 24/7

39. Who got you that jewelry?i got it from the antique mall, forever 21, Paulina and Chelsea got me some of it.

40. Who is the funniest person you know? Alex Kantarelis, and kyles grandma

41. How often do you remember your dreams? Lastnight I dreamed that my bestfriend Marcie died and I woke up like panting, and then realized it was just a dream. So I fell back asleep and started dreaming about the same thing.

42. What is the main ring tone on your phone? Tom petty and the heartbreakers

43. Skim, 1%, 2%, or whole? Chocolate plz.
44. Do you like someone? Yep!

46. Do you wish someone was with you right now? No, I'm just fine laying in my bed by myself.

47. Are you mad about anything?.that my room is so fucking warm.

48. What were you doing for new years? I was suppose to be at the riverwalk in san Antonio, but I got stuck making pomegrante smoothies and sun sandwhichs in Austin

49. What time did you go to sleep? I don't remember, I just remember being on the phone with Paulina and thinking 'is she talking cos I'm not hearing shit' and then fell asleep.

50. Where did you last sleep? I'm in my bed now. Figure it out

Friday, Jan 26th

Kyle, Tammy, Brandon, and I all drove up to a retraunt that Marcie used to work at in.avon called Papa Joes Jr. For a birthday celebration for 4 people all at once. I got to meet kyles grandma, who is easily one of the funniest 'typical movie grandmas' that always say the perfect hilarious things at the right time. We shared our leftover cake with the waiters(ess') and left. It was good.

Saturday, January 27th

Today was my household spring cleaning day, so now my house looks like a magazine feature or Martha stewarts guest house. I cleaned so much, and I made the mistake of showering before I cleaned. Fuck my life.

Then Paulina comes over while I'm still trying to get my shit together to snatch me for ruiner and Broadway calls. We got there just in time to miss the shitty local bands and for Broadway calls. They were sub par and the venue wasent as densely packed as I would have liked, all though it smelled like it should have been. Lolzzz. Ruiners set was good, they're very good live.

These are texts that I sent to mikey after the show, they are word for word and true.

"Oh my god. Mikey. I am by a warehouse with tennis shoes hanging from a wire which means its a drug warehouse and then we picked up a cat. But he was really trying to fight another cat, and we had to save him from getting in a cat fight. Oh my god now where in an alley and a train is driving right by us. This is amazing"

5 minutes later..

"Were blocked in by a gay bar now! By ambulance and cops. Tonight is such an adventure"

I'm not sure why, but tonight when paulz and I drove over the Ohio river it looked prettier than usual. I don't want to go home tonight..

Thursday, January 24, 2008

just because you're sharkbait doesnt mean your not living.

At the cost of sounding relatively lame I have been going through a phase lately that I just can't shake. A limited number of people know me 'to a T', and those of you who do, have probably noticed that I've been bummed. There are multiple causes for this and some of them are unshareable.

I wouldn't necessarly say that I'm in a funk or morbidly depressed, but today on my way to lunch with Kyle we were sitting there listening to interpol, and niether one of us was talking so I turned it up and started to think. I looked up at his sunroof and sat there looking at his reflection and then looked over at his hand in mine on my lap. I sat there thinking about how happy certain things make me and how everything else it just inatequate. I need to learn more appreciation.

Placing myself in a spectators eyes, I am absolutely protentious. I don't understand why people love me, or why I have such an amazing group of friends. I know living in tons of different places has made me more sopisticated and easier going in the sense of making friends. But, I still don't understand.

I've been stressing out more than ever these days, and wish I would have listened to my mom about growing up. I wish I realized that each year really does get harder. I've been so agitated with myself lately that I am bound to boil the ocean; if things continue the way they're going.

Speaking of the ocean, within the next month I plan to get a side piece. Its going to be a ship in a storm. With the waves crashing down on the ship, and underneath it will say 'lost at sea'.

As to my day, it was only a half day of classes. Which was nice. Not a breath of fresh air or anything but easily made my day better. Kyle and I went to Thai spice and I got pad Thai with an egg roll and he got the same. On our way there a women started crossing the road while we were coming towards her going nearly 50 mph. She was most def blind and Kyle slammed on his brakes, resulting in myself being left scared shitless. The meal was nice, Kyle was nice as well.

I am currently sitting in borders again today. I didn't get anything though, because I just had panera bread with my mom and stepdad. I test drove the bug I wanted to get tonight. Stress the wanted. Its no longer on my list of things to get, its kinda out of the question now. Fuck my life. Its stickshift, and not all it was cracked up to be.

Old interpol is amazing, I must add in order to close this off.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Batman did not kill heath ledger!

Okay, yesterday was horrible. I'm guessing that since I had such a great weekend that yesterday had to be devistating as shit. Its on page 158 in the 'rule book of life', and pg 269 in the 'guide to life for dummies'.

This whole heath ledger think is just unreal. I was so in love with him, I always told everyone that he would be the perfect man if he had dark hair. And if you scroll down 3 entries you will notice that his name is mentioned again, this was before his death. Fuck my life(x8).

Songs played in the last 5 minutes:

1) Red hot chili peppers- Rollercoaster of love
2) the bravery- the ocean

Yesterday after I had found out I was in complete in denial, so I drove to panda express after work and got lo mein and sobe to mope like a loner at the Chinese franchise. Then I drove to kyles house and we went to the library to pick up his cd's and to borders for coffee and hot chocolate. I got a hot chocolate with the works and he got a black coffee(of course). I picked up this months issue of some sweet looking phsycology zine and started reading it since that's what I want to major in someday. I hope I don't change my mind.

We went back to his house after borders and decided to watch the prestige, i'd never seen it before but I had seen the illusionist. They're both really good. It was a nice night.

But still I'm upset on the heath ledger whole thing though. I kind of don't even want to talk about it. I can smell the juicy couture perfume that Paulina got me while I'm typing this, and it smells really nice. But I'm super bummed, so its not a good combo.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I've had too many 'longest weekends of my life'.

Friday, January 18th

Kyle, my mom, and I went to Friday's to hit up that 3-course meal thing for 12.99. I knew before we got there that we were going to have to wait for a spot in line, and so was planning on going to see Lieta in my head. We only had to wait 20 minutes which wasent bad for the dinner rush so we all went to look at this sunglasses stand and I tried to get my mom to buy me these hilarious faux dolce and gabanna sunglasses. It didn't happen, needless to say. We also hit up this store that is closing down, I mean I can see why.. All the place sold was lame pictures and paintings. I saw a Mexican salsa picture and told my mom she should get It for her room. She loled.

So were heading back and my mom stops off in victorias secret. Kyle and I leave her and get there right as they're flashing our number. We get our drinks before everyone else and I get this strawberry banana smoothie of epic proportions. I must say, the Fridays thing was a good idea, and I actually ate everything.

So my mom decides she's too full to go to the movies, so we run by kyles house to get this movie called 'joshua'. You'd be well advised never to watch this movie. Its very fucked up and my mom after if was finished said 'I think I'm going to barf.' And went to bed. Hahah

Saturday, January 19

I woke up early and went out to breakfast at flap jacks with my grandma, sister, and mother. I had the best crepes of my life. This is a legitament statement, because I ate them in 2 minutes time and wasent even that hungry. Then we all went shopping. Oh, this is the glorious list of my items in my drobe:

1. Coach belt, white canvas and light brown leather.
2. New purse. Relic and dark leather.
3. New purple pumps, and matching purple scarf.
4. About 3 around the waist 2 centimeter belts for my dresses and long shirts.
5. A pair of vintage ray ban sunglasses.

Then I went home and got ready for girls night. Paulina and Marcie showed up early to help me get ready. We managed to snag $80 worth of polaroid film and $40 worth of food and baking goods. Only paying for 1/5 of it. Lol

Later on in the night there was a ton of girls at my house, most of them drunk and some annoying. Paulina ends up getting totally hammered and blows her nose I'm my hair while crying. She's lucky I love her. She also chased me around my house and shoved pizza down my pants. Once again, she's lucky were such good friends. Lol

Pictures are on the internetz, but you must find them yourself. Hahaha

Sunday January, 20

Everyone left except for Marcie and sadie from girls night. Marcie died my hair, so now its all one color. Its light golden brown. Like brown sugar. (note this would be a great profile name for my account on, If I had one. Lolz) so Kyle comes over after Marcie finally leaves and we start TV and eating oreo cookie cake. I'm half way through 40 year old virgin and my land line starts ringing. Its Paulina and she's freaking out, she has a pair of shoes on hold at aldos and realized that the mall if going to close in an hour and can't get down in time from carmel. So makes me and Kyle go pick them up for her. We ended up getting a giant smoothie to get myself less frustrated. We then get ready at my house and Paulina, Michelle, and me head to IU to party. We meet up with Marcie, Beth, and Jon at noodles. I told the girl to suprise me with pad thai or Japanese pan noodles. She gave me Japanese pan noodles. It was a good choice.

So we all went to Tim smiley's. John, Marcie, Paulina, Michelle and myself were just watching TV. Later that night we ended up at a party where I met mj, I'm in love with him. I just want him to be my bestfriend. Having a gay bestfriend with a good fashion sense would make my life. I only knew life 7 people total so I decided to leave Paulina, Beth, and Marcie to play beer pong and hangout with John. It was a semi lame night in general.

Monday, January, 21

I went to work and it was the most bullshit day of work that I've ever given them. I feel sorta bad. I talked to nicky most of the day to pass the time, I loled a bunch. Thx nicky. I went out to Chinese with my sisters and the whole time we just ripped on my mom falling down the stairs and how good I used to be at softball. More lols.

New CD of my life:
The killers- sawdust

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Actually, completely ignore the last post. I'm no longer pissed because I went back in the break room to get an orange soda and some guh-hey idiot left their money in the soda machine and I got mine for free.

I'm not mad anymore about Sarah loosing my public relations work that took me 2 weeks to finish, I'm not upset about my sister stealing my brand new sephora pressed powder and Jimmy eat world CD.

I'm am pissed about my boyfriend insisting that he doesn't look like heath ledger. WHEN HE REALLY DOES.
It just so happens that I am sitting my government playing a game for our test tomorrow that I am taking no part in. There was a girl that just screamed at the top of her lungs while running after a bouncy ball in the room. She's not exactly 120 lbs either..

This morning I woke up late. I remember looking at my clock and thinking "why the hell did I turn the alarm off? I never do that!" and then said fuck my life.

Today I had to write an admissions essay and "sell myself" as the teacher calls it. So in other words I have to write and entire 3 pages while bragging about myself non-stop. This was impossible for me. 1. because I feel like there was so much more I could say about myself then I could write down without sounding prude. 2. I'm not exactly normal, and its hard to make myself sound so

So I went to the dentist yesterday, and I take good very good care of my teeth.. But my dentist fucked up my filling from last year and now they have to redo it (for the 2nd time) I'm going to have to suffer 3x as bad now. Awesome.

This is mainly an entry of me bitching, cos I'm pretty pissed today. Mehh

Friday, January 11, 2008

"Jill's not even acting like a real person right now, shes acting like a monster."

Lately, I've been finding it hard to sleep. I feel asleep at 8 lastnight and woke up at 3. Which is the shittiest hour to wake up ever, especially when you can't fall back asleep. So today I get a text from Paulina that says: "you know your in love when you can't fall asleep, because your reality is better than your dreams." some quote by Dr. Suess or some shit. Maybe I really do love my life.. Who knows? Lol

In my creative writing class we were suppose to make up a character to write about, so being lame as shit I throughly design my dream dude. If you know me at all you already know how he turns out, and of course will never exist. So now, I'm in love with someone who doesn't exist. Awesome. It sucks even more because I mean, I have to write about his life and how perfect he is.

On another note, apparently my friend Alii works with my old friend Liz who I haven't talked to in about 2 years. Somehow my name gets brought up and they end up realizing they both know me.. Which rules because I love Liz and its nice that I know she's still alive. Only she's alive with a kid and hair half way down her back.

indianapolis is still lame, and I still can't wait to leave. I think I'm going to IUPUI with Marcie for a semester though, only because she's letting me live with her for free. Although the daily music selection she would provide at home and seeing sadie on a daily basis would be totally pleasing enough. Then I'm transfering out. I can't wait to live on the east coast. I can't wait to live my ideal life. I think its fate that in the airport I ended up sitting next to a lady who used to work at Clark, and she and he husband both graduated there. It can't be much more 'in my face' than that. Espec since Clark isn't that huge

Paulina and I are going to erie next weekend, I'm pretty pumped on that. No taxes and free everything for 3 days is never a bad thing. We're taking my moms new car. First of all, its a load of shit that my mom just got a new car when I'm in desperate need of a car since I got rearended last month. Secondly, its an even bigger load of shit that its the car I wanted. An 08 accord. Wooo mommies! And wooo erie!

I decided that this wkend I'm going to do nothing or say nothing to the world. Just paint and write.AND NOoO0o. This is not an indie 360. I really felt like I needed it, and there was no better time than today. its going perfect, exept that I had to tell Kyle about my upcoming trip to the Bahamas and invite him to go erie. I'm totally stoked on the Bahamas, and the fact that we chose carnival. Its totally a party ship and I'm aloud in the night clubs.

When I return I want to officially be referred to as sailor girl, plz and thx!

Monday, January 7, 2008

its getting harder to give a shit

My life as of recent:

1. I found my dead black demo, so stoked on that.
2. I missed a lot of college deadlines and had no idea. Awesome.
3. My iPod is working again. Who knew they fixed themselves?
4. Lastnight we celebrated my little sisters birthday and I got 250 dollars out of the deal. Always down for money.
5. My license is not suspended. So now I get my bug. Wooo!
6. I decided I'm going to be a phsyciatrist. Yesterday, lolz.
7. I'm going to puerto Rico over spring break. Fuck my life.
8. I recently calculated all of the money I have accumulated or received in other ways illegally in 07 and it reached about $5000+ Jeez right?

Friday, January 4, 2008

"balls, your just like ichabod crane"

since I haven't really had the chance to make this thing until now I just decided I'm going to lump an entire vacation together.

I left for Texas on the 27th of December to go see my friends and family for the new year, which ruled because indy has been gay as aids and freezing cold. On the way there my flight oversold so I got bumped up to first class. Nothing like listening to fiest and the beetles and eating in an double-sized chair for free. Free is always good. So I was super exited, but it turns out when I got there nothing had been planned for us to do, so I sat around and entire 3 days wasting away listening to the 3 cds I brought: new Britney spears, arctic monkeys, and blacklisted. This was the epitome of lame, worst vacation ever

Although new years eve I was suppose to go to san Antonio with jenn and Michelle for the riverwalk party, that didn't happen and instead I made pomagrante smoothies and played hide and seek in the dark with everyone else in the house. They were all drunk, it was a semi good time.

So its the 1st when I fly home and I'm hoping that 2k8 can turn around and be decent. No, I hoped for too much. My luggage didn't get put on my airplane and was lost somewhere in America until yesterday.

I never can seem to make good decisions, well to anyone else atleast. Which leads into the reason I missed my first day of my last semester of my highschool life. (note the words last day and highschool in the same sentence and how nice it sounds). The day before yesterday Paulina and I decided to take a roadtrip to tenn to see dtn, have heart, I rise and wake up call. On the way there we were so proud that we were going to actually make it on time and when we got there realized that Nashville is an hour earlier than indy time and got to the venue way early. There was nothing around exept an "adult gift shop" and being bored as shit decided to hit it up. When we got in there we realized we weren't the only ones who had arrived to the show early and there were about 12 dudes in the store watching us walk in. As if it wasent akward enough that there were make your own dildo kits and just feet from me. I'm going to say the show was an A+ exept for hh's set, which was an A++. I was balancing on a garbage can and hanging from the ceiling at the same time during their set by the stage and barely avoiding the mosh. And in turn fell into the garbage can and ruined my vans

During wake up call Jeff, nicky, and I went to the open shop and I bought them a dildo to play with, but Greg later that night got more enjoyment out of it taking fake nudes. I put it in its seatbelt and nick grabbed it out and chased 2 girls into an airport while waving it in the air.

We had a rager at the hotel later that night and there was plenty of non-alchoholic beer left over from new years and we had fun with that.. And the dildo. How an entire room can be siked on drinking fake beer is still beyond me. At some point Alex said "balls(Paulina), you are just like ichabod crane". We both laughed. and It was wild times and on the way home Paulina and I filled in the letters GSFL with random words while I was missing my first day back to school.

Wooo. Now I'm sick, and have a polaroid of myself floating somewhere that should have never been out of my hands. Thankyou Paulina