restless

It's the end to a wonderful weekend (redundant dundancy pt 2.) I'm not sure if this even counts since it's Monday, but my weekend started Thursday regardless. I came back to town today from a northern town where my heart resides only to find everything just as I'd left it. Sometimes this catches me off guard. When I'm gone for a long period of time for some reason I always feels like something should be messed up or out of place. I'm not sure why this is. I also like the collective scents of my perfume and air freshener being overwhelming when i open the door for the first time in days. Aside from that i wish i weren't home.

define illusion

What the fuck is time?

I asked to see your books

You asked for my heart.

scheduled outrage

And then the calmness of the rebuddle. I'm a mess. Were a mess. I am a true friend. I'm glad that just popped up. You're hopeless and I've got hope for you. You're my friend. I will take care of you. Were in this together, girl.

okay, i fucking admit it

I'm clumsy. not even that.
I'm a walking safety hazard.

i tried to play it off and trick people into thinking i wasn't as unsure of my body and where it should go as i am 19 and white. So the truth it unveiled. I was irrevocably birthed without the ability to be poised. I'm sorry for the mass confusion.

I'm sorry to Brian about his tooth.
and Hannah about her lip.
and my body for the bruises and scars.

how to measure time?

The thought of growing old scares the fuck out of me. Losing my facial characteristics. Being lonely. In a desolate home that smells of stale air. I don't want to be the old woman who is lost in time. With no sequence of events to look back on. No concept of the chronilogical order her life took place in.

Its scary stuff.

I've seen one too many fucked up minds create this happen through a lense. It makes me think that the idea of life and living has been evaluated from the stand point of sad and alone one too many times. But isn't it easier to just be sad rather than happy? And aren't we all inevidably alone in the end? The thought of never finding a true love is also a realistic fear of mine. Especially when I have so much love to give.

Its all just time.
Just time ticking away.

i can't leave here

Its the only place I know to go. To write in my solitude. To understand my own emotions.I've lied to myself for too long and now I don't even trust my own brain anymore. But you're in my head where you belong, you rarely leave. And I see you in my dreams. Please make sense of this place for me.

double-sided mirror

I'm so in love with the idea of there really being vampires. Or werewolves. Or mermaids. Wizards. Witches. Unicorns. Or anything mythical or magical. I feel like the earth is still so secluded. So hidden and secretive. What goes on in the dark? In the night. In the mountains and forests. African deserts and south american rainforests.

Who knows though. Maybe I'm so ready to pounce on the idea of it all being real that I've talked myself into being fucked up. Swayed. Or easily persuaded. I don't feel impressionable at all. Quite the opposite. Who else do I know like myself? No one. I feel something past it all. The inadequate life of us. Not religiously, just spiritually. Like earthly. All life contained. I think too much.

My favorite part about work is sucking the air out of whipped cream cans. My favorite part about school is getting tipped in 10 dollar bills and venti sized starbucks drinks. My favorite part about you is everything.

The latest buzz

i'm a drunk, insomniac, reclusive, head over heels girl.

damnit, why do I have such great friends?

No matter where life leads us or what hard troubles may happen. You are the reason I believe in love and all it has to offer. You helped put me back together this summer and got me on my feet again. Without you and you guidance I don't know where I would be.
We all go through tough spot and patches and it feels like we will never get out. I love you Leann and I know you will be awesome and do awesome things. You just need to believe it too.

Love always and forever...

your kato

douche of the week:

this is a real award at my work.

dance

love on you babe,
Wanna live in your brain.
swim in your seas,
your ocean it bleeds.
oh baby, wont you work it on out?

loving the sun,
gonna heal everyone.
oh baby.

I'll never be the man that need,
but I got what you want,
and I like what I see.
Goddamn, give give it all out?

Wanna tell you all about where I've been,
but there's a party in my brain,
and it wont end.
Goddamn, gimme mouth to mouth.

loving the sun,
gonna heal everyone.
oh, baby.

loving the the shade,
make love in the day.
oh, girl.

Don't wanna sleep all alone in my bed,
wanna be in your dreams,
and live in your head,
oh baby, wont you work it on out?

Let's make out.
Baby, let's get clean,
but a smell is a smell
and I smell it on me.
Goddamn, wont you work it on out?

loving the sun,
gonna heal everyone.
oh, baby.

Loving the shade,
make love in the day.
oh, girl.

Come on and take it, baby.

yeyee new hair, finally

award winning text

"I wish i could. Girl im literally watching videos online to learn how to get real good at tie dyeing."

(apparently blizzards impair your ability to be cool, sry Nick.)

Margot

beaker and I ended up showing up relatively late and had to deal with getting him a ticket (yes, we showed up and chanced it.) We went off of my luck, since he has not even an oz. My luck pulled through, and got his ticket for a scant $25.

So, skipping past the fact that the line was literally a 2 hour wait and us just going to my car to smoke cigarettes and listen to music. The show was perfect. This is not an exaggeration. Every band there did such a good job. A band called thunders played (I'd never seen them until friday) and they're actually from Indy. Well, they were wild. I think when I'm in chicago at the end of the month that I'm going to see them play a house show. As for margot's set.. I told Brian that the song I wanted to hear most of all was skeleton key. So it gets nearing the end of the set and guess what song they play last? Yes, just for me. Then they obviously do an encore and had the mosr random people come up, it was so fun. They were using suitcases, cones, anything you could think of as instruments.