Sunday, March 30, 2008

setting sail

I recorded my trip down to FL in a notebook since up until this point I've be trying to waste as much time as I possibly could.

Friday, March 28

It has begun, 7:50

Thank god for Jared, he has managed to keep me sane for a majority of this trip so far. This is the first time I've forcably had to been in a car with Tim as the driver. Let's just say i'd rather go play with thumb tacks. I've been able to bite my tongue, solely on the fact that today is Tim's birthday. Not that he's already annoying enough.. But, today he HAS to be right about EVERYTHING. If I hear one more of his lame high school stories about how cool he USED to be, or Jill blaring another rap song loud enough for the whole car to hear I think I may hurl. Maybe it would be a wise investment to pick up a paper sack at the next convinence store.

Edit: 9:45PM

Just left the convience store, needless to say, no barf bags. I did manage to piss my mom by being in front of her in line for the restroom and acting like a spoiled brat, and not listening to her "only water in the car" rule. All the people in line probably figured that Jill and I were huge snobs. She said she was going to jump off the side of the cruise ship and that my mom "brought it on herself" for not letting us get vitamin waters. She did anyways, but I still got a fiji. As I was walking out of the restroom I looked at my mom and said "it smells like aids in there, be careful." the lady behind her laughed.

I am on 4 tbsp of cough syrup, so I'm peacing out.

Saturday, March, 29

Last day on the road, 10:45AM

This morning I woke up at 8 in the AM to shower before everyone else. It was nice, I used all the conditioner. Now my hair smells like orange tea. It stormed all night when I was asleep, so when we walked out of the hotel it smelt like fresh rain and all the white blossoms on the trees were full and amazing. That was my cue to send everyone a text that said "welcome to Atlanta where the players play!" lolz. We had breakfast at a random waffle house, how appropriate for ATL. I got a BLT and hashbrowns.. Still appropriate. Our waitress said it was her birthday, so I wished her a happy birthday. Who would work on their birthday though? I guess you'd get hella tips.

When we we're sitting at the table Jill said that "sleeping with Danielle was like cuddling with a horse" because of her legs. I couldn't swallow my chocolate milk to that. We made good on the laughs at breakfast, here in GA all the billboards are twice as tall and it smells like the dirty south. Thank god it is no longer Tim's birthday.

Edit: 2:30PM

We just left a little hole in the wall bbq restraunt in southern, GA. Its like a different world here, no one gives a shit about anything and its just like the appeal that the movies give off. We had the cutest waiter, he was a total push over and my sister and I were crashing jokes so harsh on him. I laughed so hard that sweet tea came out of my nose and my year ducts involuntarily started watering. I got a good documentation of this place,sooo many hilarious pictures.

It's 83 degrees here and we're all down to our tank tops with the windows down. Praise flavored propel water, smart phones, ipods, sunglasses, and victorias secret shorts being so damn comfortable.

Today, Sunday, March 30

Boarding today, 9:26AM

In about 4 hours I will be on the cruise ship on my way to the Bahamas. I smell like a giant pineapple and Orlando is beautiful right now. Wish me safe travels! I'm going on a walk, since its so lovely here.

Monday, March 24, 2008

come circumference, come circumstance.

Summertime life:

1) Test drive a car, with no intention to buy it.
2) skinny dip in someone elses pool.
3) get the cutest shoes ever
4) go to cali, and rage at s&f
5) go on as many roadtrips as I can
6) go on a church retreat
7) make a huge breakfast
8) wake up and not care about anything for a whole day
9) make a friend from a different country, minus James, and preferably Indian
10) not sleep for 2 days, and stay awake on javamonsters.
11) ride my bike, everyother day.
12) have a picnic in a random field 45 minutes north of indy. Preferably knightstown or the bridge under the highway in speedway.
13) shoot fireworks off the billboard by kyles house.
14) not go home for a week and if needed live in my car.
15) stay in Boston for 2 wks.

This Sunday was the first Sunday in my life that I've ever driven myself to church. By all means, I am not complaining. Something happened to me Friday night and I'm not really sure what; but I am not ashamed. I cannot deny it. I was saved, and I am getting baptised as soon as I can. I've never been happier in my life. I said a praire over the Easter brunch yesterday for the family, I gave money in the offerring, I honestly understood the pure meaning of Easter. I'm not meaning to rant, but I will not boast of anything but the cross of Jesus Christ, and my new found love of life. I've never been more proud of a personal choice that I made. I'm starting to do things that I used to look down on, and be a person I used to turn my nose up to. Now, I am Leann. No better than you, i'm making so many new friends to stick by mr on this new venture I have begun for myself.

Yesterday, for Easter I got: a new camera, tons of chocolate, nike goggles and a jansport beach tote bag, two $25 gift cards, and a new sundress for the cruise.

I can't wait. This Friday I will be officially on my way to the Bahamas/British isles. Then my mother told me lastnight that for graduation she will send me anywhere in the United States, round trip for two weeks this summer. That also made me even more anxious for it to get here.

Currently listening to: Scott Coner- indepedantly recorded

Thursday, March 20, 2008

i love jazz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The similar stance in us makes me sick sometimes, grow a personality. Or detach yourself from my life. I know we are suppose to have common interests. Its gotten a little heighten for my taste.


Happy first day of spring, fellas and ladies. Hell yeah! For the vernal equinox, but boo on my car having frost on it this morning. What a disappointment. Yuck


As to prior goals in my life, they've changed. I'm really done. My new life goals are as follows:

1) go with the flow. Always.
2) being a huge fuck up, but still keeping my friends.
3) getting struck by lightening and living.
4) then winning the lottery, because chances of getting struck by lightening twice is less than winning the lottery.
5) then writing a book, and having hella people buy it solely on the fact that I was struck by lightening and won the lottery.


John has just informed me that his birthday gig this weekend is now officially a naked bash. Gag

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

i felt you in my legs

I cried lastnight. I took a shower in my clothes. I fell asleep to coldplay; the whole shah-bang.

It was a disheartening night, being pushed away and picked apart wasent even the issue. All viewpoints aside, I know where I'm coming from. Feeling you so close to me; from my manicured toes to my baby hairs, I felt the love pour out of my ears. The smell of strawberry papaya fully in my nose, the TV blaring comedy central, the warmth of your skin. It was all so gentle and we were our own audience. I cried lastnight, because in the heat of the moment. In the fury of the fight, my mind started racing and thought of the turn everything had taken due to our decisions and the scope of your influence. I had let myself fall. You claim to be unstable, but damnit you make me sane. You say we'll fade away, but you knowingly compare me to things in your life that have faded away. That WILL give you a pesamystic view, no doubt. You just always choose the wrong opportunity to correct and inform. I cannot hold it against you, its not all your fault. If you have the opportunity to set the bar higher and challenge others, do so! ..I suppose

I have assumed the position that I took knowing that this would most likely faulture. Now, I'm not so sure. I don't appreciate that you second guess everything I say to you though. I don't want a factual relationship, I don't want to be saddened everytime I speak. I don't want to feel compelled to walk away, or hang up, or scream. I want kisses. I want the love to keep pouring from my ears.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Do whatever floats your boat, but I'll sink that shit..

I think he could be evil.. I think I've put him on a petastule. That's why I said I have no reason to be mad, or room to get upset. I don't know, maybe i'm just being ridiculous. I am in love with someone who is inobtainable, so I feel vulnerable every second of the day. I do absolutely nothing about it. Just keep breaking my own heart and drinking my black coffee, that is almost as bitter as him. I feel a sense of vitality in him and often wonder if he feels it towards me, but that's impossible, just look at him. Fact: the heart and mind are in constant battle whether you think so or not. Life is an unfair battle. Things I say are cliché, BUT this isn't true AT ALL. It just feels this way. Big metaphors don't make someone smart, it takes a smart person to realize that. Rambling is what I love to do, which is what I am doing now. Infact, I am just trying to change the subject 2 or several times to venture away from my broken heart. What a tale. A boy I met once. I want to go back down memory lane, to a creek from my childhood. I want to lay down and feel the rough stones on my skin. I want to hear the rushing water, but stay in one place. Similar to what I'm doing now. I want to escape..

There is a fine line on the level of drama is my life, I can deal at one time. This has exceeded in the past year far more than I imagined my shoulders could bare. Although, I use the term drama loosely. I assure all of you that this is not me complaining, but gratifying myself for being stronger than I even thought.

After being told by my creative writing teacher that my writing reminds her of Frank O'Hara-type poets; I have considered leaving the idea of majoring in psychology and being a writer as my profession. Writing has always made me happy, since I was 8. I'm a published poet and can write prompted on almost anything. I've decided I wouldn't mind being poor and happy, its better than wealthy and lacking richness.

While on the topic of the future, I would be lying if I said I'm not afraid of it. I'm absolutely petrified. Then again, I'm not afraid of dying. Just of where I will go after I die.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

you'd be well inclined not to mess with me.

I'm alive. After this hectic weekend of catching up, and memories added onto my glory days.

Friday, March 7th

I went to see Daniel Tosh, with Kyle, Abby, and Ferg. It was one of those amazing experiences that you don't get siked about until you're actually in the ballroom waiting for the show to start. Exept for Abby, she was extatic a full week before. But, the opening act was a kid named Matt for from cali, he was like my dream guy. Lolz. Then I fell asleep on kyles arm on the way home from the comedy show and I constantly caught myself waking up, locking into his innocent eyes, and occasionally watching him look out the window at the snow falling. I've always been good at social interaction, but Kyle has hightened this to new levels. I've never been so in tune with someone in my entire life. the concepts I'm learning as well as understanding his point of view are so interesting to me, we're completely different, but so alike at the same time. I'm so lucky.

Saturday, March 8th

I texted more people on this day, than the average of my month. I am a texting guru, for those of you who know me will agree. I mean, I have a blackberry for god's sake. I listened to mewithoutyou the entire day. brother, sister is officially the CD of my life next to sawdust. It just so happened to be my mothers birthday, so we all went to broadripple to try ambrosia's, which is a little Italian restraunt right around the corner from where I used to play wiffle ball over the summer with all the broadripple dudes at a 4 way stop. The menu's were actually in Italian; this excited me. Tasty wierd things were ordered and enjoyed. I decided upon spinach ravioli, a side of spaghetti, and field greens. It was delicious. Christ, I love broadripple. After that my parents and I headed over to kyles house, he wasent there, seeing as how he made finals at the speech meet and didn't even want to. LOLZ

Today/Sunday, March, 10th

I made my mom a lovely necklace made of faux jade beads and made my whole family dinner(this includes my extended family, which comes to the total of about 12 people). I finally did laundry, not that I am ever short of clothes but all my favorite clothes were unwearable. I also got a facial and pedicure earlier in the day. It was nice and relaxing, I got a french pedicure since its almost summer and our cruise is less than 20 days away. Siked for spring break 08'. I can't wait to be jet skiing around the ocean of the Bahama's and legally being able to waltz into clubs and walk into casinos legally. Jet skiing will be the ultimate though, I will skirt around it a bit, maybe to catch brilliance in its periphery, and leave all the blank spots of the glorious day to fill themselves in only with the imagination of those who dare to come with me. I'm sure no one will be brave enough to go as far out as I plan to. I want to hear music in my eyes and feel as if I am about to be consumed in a wave, or flip over and somehow not care. I don't want to drift, I want to engulf all fear. I'm going out past the sharks. Past the 50 ft to bottom. Just to the broken, open, Sea. The ocean is simply my favorite thing.


Not as easy as you might think.

1. Where is your cell phone? Hands

2. Your significant other? Greencastle

3.Your hair? Curlies

4. Your mother? Birthday

5. Your father? Kentucky

6. Your favorite thing? Music

7. Your dream last night? Wolf

8. Your favorite drink? Juices

9. Your dream/goal? ALL

10. The room you're in? Mine

11. Your ex? Ughh

12. Your fear? Future

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Eastcoast

14. Where were you last night? Broadripple

15. What you're not? Hungry

16. Muffins? Blueberry

17. One of your wish list items? Sundresses

18. Where you grew up? Texas

19. The last thing you did? Cleaned

20. What are you wearing? H&M

21. Your TV? Huge

22. Your pet(s)? Rilo

23. Your computer? Laptop

24. Your life? Movie-ish

25. Your mood? Relaxed
26. Missing someone? Paulina

27. Your car? SL1

28. Something you're not wearing? Socks

29. Favorite Store? Forever21

30. Your upcoming summer? T-R-A-V-E-L-I-N-G

31. Love someone? Absolutely

32. You favorite color? Purple

33. When is the last time you laughed? Morning

34. Last time you cried? Dunno

35. Who will/would repost this? Beats

Thursday, March 6, 2008

a random burst of spunkiness, in the ode to life's nightmares

It is merely 10:10 in the morning. I have already had enough of today, in a quite difficult way to explain. As I am sitting here eating plain M&M's, in color cordinated piles, I am taking in the day up until this point. Still trying to divert my attention elsewhere than current situations, that have consumed my emotions and energy, for the past hour and a half. Its the pits! Although, the blessing in disquise we wait for and then claim hours later.

Its not going to work quite as well, trying to reify the massive rush of shock that took place, but i'll give it a shot. This morning at 9:15, my friend Jessica comes up to me overboldly crying and breathing heavy. I honestly don't think I've ever seen someone cry harder in my life, and instantly pulled her aside trying to figure out the problem. It just ended being about her ex jarrod, from a former 3 year relationship and she didn't really feel like talking, she just wanted comfort. which I am always more willing to give to my friends. This somehow engrossed into her holding her side and saying she felt dizzy; and this worried me. because she was an emotional wreck at this point and usually never complains about anything. Then, out of nowhere, she simply falls over and blacks out. I started to wig out and tried to get her breathing pattern steady, because she was hyperventlating and quite frankly, I was going ballistic trying to get her to tell me what the fuck was wrong. I instantly got help, to get her in a wheelchair and down to a clinic. I sat with her because she wanted me to stay until they could get her to a hospital. I managed to make her laugh a few times and she felt a tad better. No sweat, since we have a multitude of inside jokes. Hence, the reason I was the only person she wanted to stay with her. In a broad view, in an essence, this was a huge eye opener for me. I feel like I've overlooked all the close knit relationships I have with people lately, not intentionally of course, but initially feel sick to my stomach. I'm thankful I can have days like this, but dread when they arrive. Days full of sickness, and lousy people triggering awful pains. Days full of wretched fears and cold skin against warm skin. Days full of repeatative statements, for lack of things to say and shock value getting the best of you.

I'm not going to err myself sick and pass self-judgement on how great of a friend I am, but this morning I simply fucking ruled. I couldn't be more proud of myself. I'm finding temporary comfort knowing that jessi is safe and sound. 9 times out of 10, I will never take a situation, such as this, and actually feel good about it. I am not lacking heart. I am just happy that this will eat at jarrod all day, and he will make things right. Mine and Jessica's friendship should be considerably more solid now.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

now i know what the word surreal means..

Its strange how car accidents always seem to bring us closer, we've managed to do it twice babe. There is something about the way your fingers curl when you strum your guitar, and the way you sing to me anunciating words as the simple phrases flow from your mouth. There is something about the way you smell when you pull me onto you and I run my fingers through the hair on the back of your head, and the way you smell after we ride in your car. There is something about the way you try to calm me down when I'm upset, and the way you make me put my hand on your heart to show me how I make your pulse race. There is something about the way when we're laying facing eachother, and how I feel like I've know it my whole life and how I appreciate every moment we're together. There is something about the way I want to make you happy all the time, and when we both laugh at the same things ("Samezies").

I believe i'm sold for you; completely in over my head.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

"you have the political know how of a blueberry scone."

This was one of those weekends that sucked me in and pulled me under. Not to mention amazing and spectacular, but mostly crazy and non-stop.

Friday, February 29th

This was the easily the best day of my weekend. Paulina and myself went to evansville right afterschool to catch the cruelhand and the mongoloids show.the entire way there we went 80 mph while blaring M.I.A. Also on the way there we were driving past a mini van that had a bumper sticker that said in pink writing "save the ta-ta's. I guessed it was a breast cancer awareness type of thing, and was like 'that sticker rules!' Until we pulled up and saw a 60 year old man driving. Major lolz.

When we got there we were somewhat early, even though it was 8 PM due to the time difference. When cruelhand and the mongos arrived it was like instantly a good time. I'm not really sure why, but they all were acting like homosexuals, and Indians. Chris taught me how to tango. We pasted out fiji waters to half of cruelhand and cheeze-its where the nights snack of choice(45% reduced fat, lolz).

The mongoloids set was absolutely mind blowing, for having so many fill in members this time around. They did great. Cruelhands set was equally as good, I wasent as impressed with their set until the sweet cromags- world peace cover. So many stagedives and pile ups. I got an amazing mongos shirt as well. After the show it was told that we were going to be staying at some kid from the band grimewars mansion, but that ended up not being the plan and the kid bought us a hotel room because he felt bad. It was about 2 hours north of evansville and right outside of Louisville. On the way there cam and Chris rode in the car with paulina and I, and the rest of the band rode in the van. We had a firework shooting party. They were shooting at the car while we were going 80 mph on a deserted highway. It was amazing though. We followed them to these backroads of the highway and then shot off fireworks in the country sky. The sky was beautiful, and I felt like i could see every star ever. They shot off a Roman candle super close to the van and we all instantly ran for cover and ended up in various spots on the field and road. I ended up in the van with mike and Greg where mikey Steinborn was delivering messages to me from Boston via mikes sidekick who was in the van, such as: "chocolate cake sucks, funfetti rules." I responded with: "chocolate for life. I wouldn't wipe my ass with funfetti."

The night was a blast, even the no sleep until 4 in the AM part. Chris sang to me in Spanish on the way to the hotel. Then in a hick voice. Best leap day of my life!

Saturday, March 1st

We woke up early enough to enjoy the free hotel breakfast and get home by 12, because I had to be at IUPUI for the open house. I think I might stay here for a while instead of going to Boston, but I like the idea of leaving so much. Of course, I could just do the study abroad program and go to Greece and australia for semesters at a time. I rode on the people mover for a while and reflected on life, just thinking away and thinking of where I will be 15 years from now. I got invited to go on tour this summer while I was on the people mover and I think I'm going to take up the offer. How could I not? I love traveling more than anyone I know.

This weekend was full of malnutrition, late nights, no sleep, no money, 10 hours of driving, funny new friends, and getting lost in the music. Thankyou life for the payback.