Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I was 4 days behind, now I'm 4 days forward

This post is obligatory due to the fact that I have been known to speak ill of those (mikey) for their lack of effort in their blogspot(s). I would hate be be a letter downer like them.

I would just like to let it be known that right as I typed his name I received this text: "How are you, my china doll?" hahha. Mad lol's.

In this point of my life I'm still in the same dilemma. Same shit different day. It's not quite as bad now, because the initial scare is ceased and my family knows. So no worries until the 21st, right? Right. In truth the damage done can't be fixed, I tried to go back and seduce the boy working at the register in the buckle for the charges to be dropped. Can't happen. Yeah, this is a total lie well, the second part is true. Permafucked for life. How funny will this be if I can't vote on election day because I'm a felon? Or if I loose my lovely little office job. Don't want.

In other news, I am secretly excited about Friday. This Friday will be my secret Friday where I do all kinds of secret things secretly. I shall in otherwords disappear for the night, nowhere to be found. I will be somewhere, but that is a secret that only my secret someone knows about. Secretly. As intalented as I think I am, that was damn good wording for the amount of times I used secret. I might be going out on a limb here, but I'm going to say that this Friday night- saturday morning will be the breaking grounds for the route that I continue to travel in me life. Decisions decisions decisions. Life love life. secrets secrets secrets.

In other other news, I decided to go to beauty school. Got a scholarship from my school, and get to go to a banquet on thursday for it. Missing school makes me mad happy.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Many of us venture through life without many cares, without really knowing the pain of not being able to eat and having an anxiety attack everyday for almost a week. Yesterday I got my first ulcer ever. Life rules right now.. Not.

I've been tinkering around in my own brain at all the possible things that could happen to me. I've heard a multitude of different stories, and I still listen to every single one of them. Knowing fully well that there is only 2 people that know for certain what's going to happen to me. God and the prosecutor. I've been certain that I'm going to jail and not going to be able to walk in my graduation. I'm certain that all my friends are getting sick of hearing me complain and that everything that could possibly go wrong will. The weather is so perfect outside but, I can't enjoy it. I can't eat or sleep. I can't feel pretty when I dress up anymore. This entire post is going to sound completely irrational to you and more than rational to me. I can't prevent what's going to happen, and this cruel irony struck me at the perfect time in life to prove to me that there is such think as karma. I would love to be able to look back 5 years from now and laugh at how stupid I was, but I can just tell there will be no laughing only the "I learned a good lesson." seriously burned in my head. There aren't really any legitimate exuses that I will be able to use, I will just have to roll with the punches and face my awful music that I never want to listen to again.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Leann is so FTW

I was driving down the road today after work. As vulgar as this sounds, I saw a dead animal on the side of the street and started to think about how everyones life at some point gets fucked over/up/royally. I'm just happy that mine is happening sooner rather than later. I will get revenge on the queer who called the police on me, I will. I know revenge is never a good thing, but it is always undeniably sweet.

I mean, on one side there is me, a little rich, white girl, with a great life ahead of her. Good friends, the perfect boyfriend.

Then on the other side there is me, a soon-to-be convicted felon, self-destructive, bad girl for life. Seriously, something should feel wrong right now. Shouldn't it? I guess I'm just so numb from the past 2 days that all I can do is worry about what will unfurl in the next month to come. God help me.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

off the wall

After reading my good friend Michael Steinborn's blog, I was inspired to write a blog on literacy and some of the things I say that are not proper English. By no means does this mean I will stop saying them, I just dont get inspired as often as I should by others writing, and mikey's was very clever and whitty. www.mikexindy.blogspot.com

*The infamous: "MY BAD"

Tonight after much thought of the subject of my unproper English I birdwalked onto the topic of adjectival ownership. This is seen in the phrase 'my bad', where the 'bad' is being possessed. It's an interesting concept, although terribly unproductive, as I couldn't think of any parallel constructions (other examples). But in joking around, I came up with 'my good', 'my sad', 'my pathetic'. I thought most were laughably ridiculous. But, as I was texting Mikey informing/congratulating him on the inpiration I thought, hey! their bad is my cool. As in my cool new construction that I will insert into sentences when it seems clever to do so, without drawing too much attention.

A lovely example, that I know all of us have done once in our lives or know someone who is a victim of this: the your confused with you're.

Jim: your neato
Leann: ugh, fag.. you're*

And this my friends is a very foolishly clever way that we may see adjectival ownership come to our possession in the near future. All those misspelled contractions and mis-taken possessive pronouns and be-ings...they too may one day be your neatos, our cools, and their dumbs. C'est my bueno.

*Next topic in the hopper: "FUCK MY WHOLE LIFE"

First of all, in this sentence it would seem that the word "fuck" is an adjective. Which is most definatly is. Just like in any other scenario, or phrase. For instance when A) a command is being made more urgant (fucking, hurry up) B) intercourse (let's go fuck.. Again.) UNLESS, one is being called "a fuck" or you are using the word "fuck" to A) show a more significant amount of passion in a sentence (the dude was so fucking strange) B) show utter confusion (what the fuck?) C) or show excitement (holy fuck!) then it is being used as a noun or verb. But, never once could something as vast as life. The entirety of your existance be used properly with any of those examples. It is the ultimate example of how not to use the combination, so there is no other way of showing this to you. Especially considering the fact that I throw in the "whole life", I mean it doesn't get much more unproper than that.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Lost in your translations. Are you speaking asshole, Mrs. Drunk??

My fingers have been working all too hard lately, but this isn't the time to be selfish. I will look back tomorrow and wished that I had chosen to vent rather than rest.

There is something in me telling me to leave the house. I had no intention to open the door for you, so why did I then? I mean, I have never in my life been so furious at one person. You sat there and called it a tantrum. You're a walking tantrum. A vermin to all that you have created. You've cheated the cycle somehow. Managed to put those pictures on your nightstand to make everyone believe something. The false appeal of your life collects dust, as those pictures yet older. I get older. You get older. When will you see the error of your ways. In the labryith of my mind I know how to say all of this. When I'm in front of you, all I am complelled to do is tell you to leave my sight because I can't stand to be around you. Its actually quite the opposite, actually. When I think about it, all I really want is you in front of me and my hand full of sewing pins. I've heard it all before. The false apologies, the slurred words. I mean, for fucks sake woman.. You know when enough is enough right? Fuck you. I'm leaving. Watch me. I'm through trying to fathom what goes through your head when you talk. All you'll hear of me is a whim as I say goodbye to them on the phone or the latest breaking news in my life as you bombard other people for details. Peace, bitch.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

bad dreams bad dreams bad dreams

I've been blogging silently. With invisible keystrokes.

Yeah, that's it.

My laptop is broken, and I'm considering sending it off into the nethers of Craigslist to become somebody else's problem. A new one is on its way, with the help of my lovely grandparents for college and the refurbished stock on the Apple Store. Yay. Maybe that'll kickstart blogging motivation with ease of posting. I've been doing lots of other things...writing, studying, enjoying my awesome friends, cooking, "adventuring" with Kyle (in all aspects of life, and according to my fortune), reading, grad party shopping (tiki theme is where its at).

What are you doing reading this blog? There's a whole world out there. Its sunny and filled with delightful things... To explore, to invent, to try, scantily clad women, all-clad men, wayward ideas, pointless but amusing activities, worthwhile experiences, and lots of other mismatch adjectives, nouns and verbs. Go string some together and come back when you're too tired and the internet is your last resort. Or stick around too. I may actually write something of substance one day soon..

But, I'm not into the idea of leaving you hanging so I will fill you in on my current barrier of life. I'm starting school in August and forceably am being moved out of my lovely house and pumpkin smelling, yellow room. Although, this might not be the case if FAFSA doesn't cover room and board for me. Cross your fingers with me. I don't want to work full time. I have been working super hard, brainstorming daily, and thinking of every possible option for my senior activity day's group theme. The list thus far is:

- flower bed (this includes vegetables)
- boats
- decades
- Crayons
- hippies
- and most likely the winner, 50's track team. Lolz

Sunday, April 13, 2008

fake nails, & a can of hair spray

this weekend was definitely one for the books.

Friday. April 10. 08

after days and days of trying to get ahold of Kristin, and thinking that she could very possible be reported as a missing person she texts me basically explaining that she had been in "the slammer". Apparently she was in a holding cell with a young woman who was convicted for murdering her daughter. The only reason Kristin was in there in the first place was some bullshit reason like: she violated some rule of not telling authorities that she was moving into an apartment by herself after thirty days of getting off of some form of warning shit. i have no idea. im just happpy that she's alive and that i get to see her this weekend. After finding out that one of my bestfriends is still alive i drive over to Plainfield to get Marcie. When she hops in the car she goes "i have a suprise for you." It was the kills- ura fever burnt 17 times onto one CD. Id died laughing. We head to IU because of little 5 (the biggest party weekend of the year in Bloomington). You have no idea how many funny moments i was involved in. I sware to god, Kieth is like the missing character to the office. He was walking around in purple boxer briefs and a black v-neck t-shirt the next morning with a hangover, and Marcie and I start cracking up. He followed with the response of "Dont laugh. John has the same undies." hahahha! Then i laid in bed with Beth and laughed about all of the stupid shit we did the night before. There were tons of annoying people at the party(ies) but, I managed to have a damn good time. I was once again the entire night picking out sick jams for people to jam to. Tim liked my music choice and periodically would start screaming the lyrics in my face and start jumping on the couches. Bummer that i got no pictures of this amazing night.

Saturday. April 11. 08

I leave Bloomington a little late and miss my hair apointment, so I managed to find alternate ways to get my hair to look extremely presentable, hence the "can of hairspray" in the title. There will be pictures added later. I looked like a well polished princess when i was completely done preparing for prommmmmm. Totally didnt think that i was going to look as stunning as i actually did. I drove to Kyle's to take pictures with Jimmy and Abby, this proceeded as everyone thought of every, single, possible way to take a picture and all combinations included. My mouth was unable to smile after this session had finished. We drove to PF changs and on the walk down the mall hallways to get there i got about 19 "daaaaamn"s from numerous black dudes. Kyle claimed that they were talking to him because he looked so sexy. LOL. The best part of the meal was the sm'ores in a shot glass for dessert and my fortune which reitteraded was something along the lines of "you will have many pleasureable jouneys and adventures to come." translated to: "you're getting some tonight and its going to be amazing." lets just say that i now believe in fortune cookie fortunes. Once we arrived to the prom itself, i was slightly dissappointed, just like last year. Until the first time that Kyle and I slow danced and it all was so surreal and i forgot about everyone around us. Abby and I also slow danced, and everyone laughed. Needless to say, Kyle did not win prom king. He'll always be my prom king though. We left a half an hour early and listened to sufjan stevens in his back seat.
After prom was hilarious, I got my palm read. Kyle and I boxed which resulted in me flying against the back of the wall and getting my helmet knocked off. I ate my body weight in food and Bailey and I said "hello __" to everything all night. Example: (Bailey and Leann are getting food) Leann: "hello, chocolate covered strawberries." Bailey: "hello, chicken fingers." Ryen gave my his ipod shuffle and I didnt even ask for it. The night was just all so perfect.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

eyes like a casino, i aint born typical. I'm a fever.

Currently listening to: the kills- ura fever

Not to be trashy or anything, but being added into the life goals is to have sex to the song I am currently listening to.

Teh jams of now:

- looking back on middle school
- Bailey Marie Trent, and the fact that we have the same middle name.
- talking to the ladies at regency and how siked they are about me! Mmmme ME me me
- being nicknamed the toothfairy. You will never understand the initial feeling. Mad lol
- my prom dress
- my prom dress being the last in my size
- the fact that I saved Kyle $130+. He loves me
- comeback kid lyrics. No shame
- spending $300 on 2 outfits and not feeling bad about it.
- v-neck shirts, not wearing underwear or bras
- walking barefoot to catch fireflies
- being in broadripple. Always
- talking to kristin, Rachel, Bailey, and Marcie about sex. Not trashy. LOL
- late night text sessions
- my dresser overflowing with luxurious make-up and jewelery
- Bahamas withdraws

All in a week.

Today I convinced Ethan that "I'm stuck to you like a band-aid ." is a cute line for a poem that I was helping him write for I'm girlfriend.

Today I also discovered how fucking ready I am to start my life. Outside of this drama, with a more grown up appeal. Yesterday I ran into my old friend Allison, she is graduated from Roncalli and is going into the navy. I guess I could see it coming, the types of people we are shape our future. I couldn't be more proud of her, and the person I am. A lyrical minded, free soul, who just wants to showcase the world with her eyes. My appetite is so huge for something more than the settled mainstream idea of graduation and life afterschool. I'll see you all on the news. Enjoy your lives. On with mine.

Monday, April 7, 2008

sick in my skin

I've never felt more ill at ease, or like I could get an instant ulcer in my life. Directly after vacation my world (still in the process) is coming unglued.

Person 1: YES! You annoy me, okay! I can't stand you anymore. Its not that at one point that was any different, but it would appear that now all of the life has been sucked out of the connection. Good or bad. I know the timing couldn't be worse, and I'm alright with that. I'm sorry if you're not.

Person 2: god, I forgot how much I missed you. Thankyou for the call yesterday. All four hours that I talked to you made everything make sense to me. I know what I need to do, I mean I knew it all along. But, like I said yesterday, I have a hard time even admitting things to myself sometimes. I still love you, thankyou. Please don't leave me now.

Person 3: I know that I've only known you the entirety of a week, but there is nothing that I would rather do right now than dig a tunnel to your window. Just drink more wine, and laugh more about all the things we used to know. All the boundaries and barriers that we crushed in the matter of hours I wouldn't take back for all the luxury I own. I would do it all again if given the chance, with all the outcomes

Person 4: you'll never leave my life. I know you won't. we've been inceperable You're both equally crucial in my life, but are pretty much the same person. Thankyou for always putting extra light in my day, waking me up when I need it. Oh, and of course watching me put lotion on all summer in nothing but my bathrobe.

Person 6: you're one of the most important people in my life, although you might not always think this or believe me. Just think of all the things that you helpef me overcome this summer, when I would call you and pour my heart out. You would just take it all in. I wish there were more people like you in the world, and I'm glad that I was lucky enough to stumble upon you. All the SIGNS that brought us together are still evident.

Person 7: after all the tears I shed for you lastnight I still can't feel any sort of emotion today from being so numb yesterday. After you poured your little heart out to me, I couldn't to anything but shake, and feel hot all over. I just needed a drink and silence. You still don't understand, you never will. You were being selfish, but I do love you. Everything you said you meant it, and everything I said.. I meant it too.

Friday, April 4, 2008

goings on.. going ons.. goings ons?

Well, I am currently back in the states. The Bahamas were, to say the least, phenominal. I will to an outline of my vacation before I catch you up on my great day in FL yesterday and not-so-great day of driving today.

3.30.08- On the first day of the cruise the only memorable moments are 1) the informal dinner in the extacy lounge and getting to know our waiter Damir. He was/is from Croatia and was the only waiter on the boat from Europe. Everyone else was Costa Rican, Asian, or American. I got the best filet mingeon and strawberry bisque. Ever. 2) I went to the singles meet and greet with no intention to meet a dude, only to make friends. I met a group of girls from southern Flordia and we hit it off. One of the girls(Hilary) complimented my peace sign necklace and then pulled her hair off of her back, revealing a huge black peace sign. Lolz

3.31.08- The next day of the cruise, I woke up in such a good mood because I fell asleep to an array of great music including:

Snow patrol- shut your eyes
Willy Madison-save myself
Beastie boys- off the grid
The polyphonic spree- running away(lyrics)
Rooney-when did your heart go missing
Matt costa- Mr. Pitiful
Ryan Adams-halloweenhead
Tegan and sarah- back in your head
Jack Johnson-if I had eyes
Graham colton-best of tonight
Nada surf- whose authority
Blake Lewis- break anotha
1997- garden of evil
White stripes- you don't know what love is

And because we had officially landed in the Bahamas. Luckily for me I went to the shopping ashore program the night before and knew where NOT to go, to avoid getting ripped off like the typical tourist. This day totally more memorable than the day before. I got hella pictures of the ocean and myself on the ocean, which a couple should be on this entry(just phone pictures). I went shopping in freeport and got the loveliest dress, a tye dye shirt, hand made jewelry, a patchwork purse, and jars of ocean water. All over price coming to about 200 bucks. Guh. The taxi ride to freeport and the beach was quite the experience. Since the Bahamas are in Britian, thus 'the British Isles' everyone drives on opposite sides of the road. Its a hard concept to grasp and extremely scary when you're making a left hand turn into on coming traffic because you insinctly think left hand turns must be clear both ways, Ha. The beach in freeport was beyond incredible! I got totally burnt and had a full head on beach hair upon leaving. The beach was full of nice, friendly people and I legally bought my first alcholic drink. It consisted of vodka, blackberry and pineaple juices and had a mango-ish taste to it. My mom bought one too, because she liked mine so much.

4.1.08- woke up in Nassau, Bahamas; home of Atlantis/paradise island. This was the main day of the trip, and might I add, that everything went swimmingly(yes, this was meant to be a pun). We started off the day by taking a taxi to cabbage beach, the beach recommended by the bohemians themselves. It ended up being beautiful, as you can see for youself in the pictures. I went into the ocean to try and snorkle and got THRASHED! The waves were of epic proportions, and I got swallowed in one and as I would try and recover from the other would get crushed by the weight of another. It was a battle between myself and the ocean. If I were anyone else I would have been pissed, but I have an endless love for the sea. I went jet skiing after I layed on the beach for a while and was able to get most of the sand out of my mouth. By far, the radest, illest, most thrilling thing I did. Skirting around on the waves, crashing against the water, the mist hitting my cheeks, and wind in my curls was brilliant. I heard "shut up and drive in my head" the entire time though, I must admit. Haha! Then when I returned to my towel on the beach, ironically Damir was at the beach right about my towel. Out of all the vast miles of beach he decided to set his towel right about mine, what are the odds. Since he was my only friend I knew at the beach other than my sisters, who where nowhere to be found we went on a walk and got a couple of pina coladas. Cutely placed in coconut shells, TEE HEE. We chatted for a while then I proceeded back to the ship to get ready for dinner and the mix. At dinner, coincidently Damir was our waiter. Again. Strange. Ha. We decided to go to Atlantis later while we were still on the island and had nothing better to do. We caught a limo to Atlantis and I collected great confusion in my way around the massive building. We got to walk down tunnels while surrounded by sharks, and I actually gambled! Woo! Then we went to the beach and looked for sea shells. I never realized how cold the oceans breeze can be at night. Then I headed back solo to the ship because Damir had a graduation party with his fellow crew members at some bar in downtown nassau and I wasent really game at 3 in the AM. In the entirety of this day, I would like to make it known that I never once realized that it was April fools day. I guess I'm the fool here.

4.2.08- we set sail to come back home, I didn't yet realize how shitty of a thing that actually was. This day technically a day, but not a day. The only good.. Well great thing about the day has to be the fact that my mom got me drunk on mango and melon margaritas. Then I went to see curves, a Broadway musical that was basically a bunch of naked girls and fellas running around on stage. This was an amazing combo, me being drunk and all. I witnessed an ice sculpture be carved, all I can say is if I ever tried that it would be fatal.

3.3.08- back in the states. We docked in port canavral and we followed through with our plans to hit up universal studios. On this day I was, to say the least, miserable. With all of the $700 spent, water rides and rollercoaters I remained an unhappy brat. Walking around in the hot city of Orlando and being constantly pushed and pulled onto rides was just one big blur to me, when all I wanted to do was be back on the Atlantic. Now here I am on my way back to indy, depressed as shit, and writing about how lovely my trip was.

I think this trip couldn't have come at a better time, Damir and I discused this a bit and I think I'm going to skip out on college for a year, go to beauty school, become a cosmetolgist on a cruise ship and travel the world wherever my heart desires. I think it will be good for me.