Friday, March 14, 2008

Do whatever floats your boat, but I'll sink that shit..

I think he could be evil.. I think I've put him on a petastule. That's why I said I have no reason to be mad, or room to get upset. I don't know, maybe i'm just being ridiculous. I am in love with someone who is inobtainable, so I feel vulnerable every second of the day. I do absolutely nothing about it. Just keep breaking my own heart and drinking my black coffee, that is almost as bitter as him. I feel a sense of vitality in him and often wonder if he feels it towards me, but that's impossible, just look at him. Fact: the heart and mind are in constant battle whether you think so or not. Life is an unfair battle. Things I say are cliché, BUT this isn't true AT ALL. It just feels this way. Big metaphors don't make someone smart, it takes a smart person to realize that. Rambling is what I love to do, which is what I am doing now. Infact, I am just trying to change the subject 2 or several times to venture away from my broken heart. What a tale. A boy I met once. I want to go back down memory lane, to a creek from my childhood. I want to lay down and feel the rough stones on my skin. I want to hear the rushing water, but stay in one place. Similar to what I'm doing now. I want to escape..

There is a fine line on the level of drama is my life, I can deal at one time. This has exceeded in the past year far more than I imagined my shoulders could bare. Although, I use the term drama loosely. I assure all of you that this is not me complaining, but gratifying myself for being stronger than I even thought.

After being told by my creative writing teacher that my writing reminds her of Frank O'Hara-type poets; I have considered leaving the idea of majoring in psychology and being a writer as my profession. Writing has always made me happy, since I was 8. I'm a published poet and can write prompted on almost anything. I've decided I wouldn't mind being poor and happy, its better than wealthy and lacking richness.

While on the topic of the future, I would be lying if I said I'm not afraid of it. I'm absolutely petrified. Then again, I'm not afraid of dying. Just of where I will go after I die.

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