Thursday, March 6, 2008

a random burst of spunkiness, in the ode to life's nightmares

It is merely 10:10 in the morning. I have already had enough of today, in a quite difficult way to explain. As I am sitting here eating plain M&M's, in color cordinated piles, I am taking in the day up until this point. Still trying to divert my attention elsewhere than current situations, that have consumed my emotions and energy, for the past hour and a half. Its the pits! Although, the blessing in disquise we wait for and then claim hours later.

Its not going to work quite as well, trying to reify the massive rush of shock that took place, but i'll give it a shot. This morning at 9:15, my friend Jessica comes up to me overboldly crying and breathing heavy. I honestly don't think I've ever seen someone cry harder in my life, and instantly pulled her aside trying to figure out the problem. It just ended being about her ex jarrod, from a former 3 year relationship and she didn't really feel like talking, she just wanted comfort. which I am always more willing to give to my friends. This somehow engrossed into her holding her side and saying she felt dizzy; and this worried me. because she was an emotional wreck at this point and usually never complains about anything. Then, out of nowhere, she simply falls over and blacks out. I started to wig out and tried to get her breathing pattern steady, because she was hyperventlating and quite frankly, I was going ballistic trying to get her to tell me what the fuck was wrong. I instantly got help, to get her in a wheelchair and down to a clinic. I sat with her because she wanted me to stay until they could get her to a hospital. I managed to make her laugh a few times and she felt a tad better. No sweat, since we have a multitude of inside jokes. Hence, the reason I was the only person she wanted to stay with her. In a broad view, in an essence, this was a huge eye opener for me. I feel like I've overlooked all the close knit relationships I have with people lately, not intentionally of course, but initially feel sick to my stomach. I'm thankful I can have days like this, but dread when they arrive. Days full of sickness, and lousy people triggering awful pains. Days full of wretched fears and cold skin against warm skin. Days full of repeatative statements, for lack of things to say and shock value getting the best of you.

I'm not going to err myself sick and pass self-judgement on how great of a friend I am, but this morning I simply fucking ruled. I couldn't be more proud of myself. I'm finding temporary comfort knowing that jessi is safe and sound. 9 times out of 10, I will never take a situation, such as this, and actually feel good about it. I am not lacking heart. I am just happy that this will eat at jarrod all day, and he will make things right. Mine and Jessica's friendship should be considerably more solid now.

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