confusion is all I feel

The countless hours I've burned my lungs in the past view days doesn't even compare to the way my heart burned lastnight. The constant self-torture of knowing that it would happen again. That I would drop this all for exactly that. To have my heart burn, just to have it freeze over the next day. What is it about my mind that makes me trust over and over again in the hopes that one time, like a coin machine, that it will work. That something will align and we will be in agreeance. This is so surreal. We do live in different worlds. This is unfair. We are both troubled. This will work out though, I can feel it. You were right. You said I will always be there and you will always be there. I want to be what you need badly enough. I'm not giving up on this.