Lastnight I was laying with my hands over my ears and face in my pillow taking in long deep breaths and just thinking about how much I think in gray. How much my life is a blur and how often I have to change things around me to obtain the satisfaction of that continuing. Although there have been addictive things come into my life that I wouldn't ever give up or change. I wish I could think in black and white. Crisp and clean. Never elaborate my thoughts in my head. Bring myself to think like a lie detector test and never bring in the what ifs. That would make life so much simpler. No more brainteases and word nerdy thoughts.
Then I started to let my brain wonder and think of the future. Where I'll be a year from now. How much I'll have grown and how proud of my life I'll be. For once. Now I just have to focus on the sun and let that be my motivation until I get to that point.